Sleeping Sardines

Adele Calls Cancel Culture a ‘Bloody Wanker,’

Says Jamaican Bikini Was Dope

Goldwit the Squirrel


LONDON, ENGLAND— Former pop superstar Adele Adkins was attacked by Cancel Culture for appropriation this week after she posted a picture on Instagram wearing a Jamaican bathing suit with bantu knots in her hair. While the most liberal among us have noted that the British colonization of Jamaica was actually quite violent, Adele retorted by calling Cancel Culture a ‘Bloody Wanker’ in classic, pompous British fashion. “Blimey, if I want to carry on and put bantu knots in my hair— I’m going to go on and do it then,” Adkins told Sleeping Sardines adding, “I once snogged a Jamaican man on the shores of South Africa to avoid the bite of a great white shark. I didn’t particularly enjoy it, but not to say I wouldn’t do it again.” When pressed as to whether or not she would write a song bashing Cancel Culture like one of her exes, Adkins said she just no longer has the energy. “Ah, the passion is gone mate. I’ve been smokin’ so much pot and listening to reggae music that I kind of believe my whole career is a sham. Thank you for reading this in a British accent. That is all.” 

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