Sleeping Sardines

‘Hurricane Laura is a Bitch, But Bella Thorne Is Worse’

Says OnlyFans Community

Lola the Hamster


As hurricane Laura pummels the state of Louisiana, Twitter users are more concerned with cancelling Bella Thorne after she raised $2 million on OnlyFans in just 48 hours. Thorne was said to have never intended to actually take the site seriously, thus scamming her users and changing the OnlyFans platform. The changes in OnlyFans includes a price cap, which could affect thousands of marginalized sex workers. “Forget about those dumbass white people getting hit by that storm down in Louisiana, they’re all Trump supporters anyway,” twenty-seven year-old plus-sized model Bianca Sexton told Sleeping Sardines. “Honestly I stan with hurricane Laura. She would never commit the injustice that Bella Thorne has on the sexually liberated of this country,” she added. While some have argued that hurricane Laura’s eye looks like a butthole and could garner some pretty significant attention on the OnlyFans platform, several Louisianan sex workers are experiencing double penetration. “Not only did Bella Thorne limit the amount of money I can make on OnlyFans, but hurricane Laura also flooded my house and knocked out my power,” Alamae from Mobile, Alabama told Sleeping Sardines (yes— she was also featured in Kanye West’s ‘New Workout Plan.’) “But hey, at least I can afford to ride a plane out of there! I’m goin’ to the big city!’ Alamae told Sleeping Sardines that she would be heading to Tulsa, Oklahoma to take her chances with tornadoes.

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