Russian Mind Control Leading Suspect
For Vernon Jones’ Endorsement of Trump at RNC
WASHINGTON D.C— Democratic state representative of Georgia Vernon Jones endorsed Donald J. Trump for president at the Republican National Convention Monday night, leading insiders to suspect that Russian mind control may have played a significant role. While no one can prove that Putin and his silent majority of Russian spies were able to hypnotize Jones into believing that Trump is the best option for black Americans, the democratic party is running out of answers. “Vernon Jones is one of my African Americans. And he lives in Georgia, a state I love very much,” Trump said in a press briefing, adding, “Georgia is also a country. I don’t like the country as much. In fact, I think they were very rude to declare independence from the Soviet Union. I think that was a very bad move.” Although it would appear that the country of Georgia has gained autonomy from under the Soviet reign, the state of Georgia does not appear as lucky. “Vernon has been spending a lot of time praising Lenin, but I thought he was talking about the Beatles lead singer,” Jones’ wife told Sleeping Sardines in an exclusive interview. “I thought it was a little strange, as Vernon was always a hip hop fan before recent months. Now it’s all starting to become clear,” she added.
With the RNC scheduled for three more electrifying nights (unlike the Sleepy DNC!), who knows who the Russians will parade out next to ensure that Donald J. Trump keeps his position in office.