Sleeping Sardines

Local Raver to Start Cardio Routine in Prep for 2021 Concert Season


Authored by:

Darrel The Porcupine 


DENVER, CO — With vaccinations being jabbed into flabby arms across Denver, local raver Maggie Sanchez plans to restart her cardio routine in preparation for the 2021 concert season.

“It’s been a long year of vaping and livestreams,” Sanchez told Sleeping Sardines. “And with that, I’m forced to face the facts: I am simply not in shape for a summer’s worth of headbanging.” 

Sanchez said that the realization came after looking over the 2021 Red Rocks schedule and seeing artists such as Galantis, Zeds Dead, and Rezz set to perform — enduring an MDMA-inspired flashback that reminded her of the endurance it takes to make it all the way through a live show. 

“Have you ever been on four points of molly and run out of water in your camelback? Didn’t think so,” Sanchez said. “I have to be prepared to keep my heart beating through any circumstances. And if that means exercising, I’ll do it.”

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Sanchez went on to say that her fitness routine will consist of daily runs, jumping jacks, and intensive neck stretches to ensure that she’s ready to bounce back stronger than ever. 

“Listen, nobody knows if live shows are gonna happen or not this year — but make no mistake — if I’m given the privilege to rave once again, I’m gonna be in shape for it!”


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