Sleeping Sardines

Local Wasp Says It’s Ready to Sting Some Bitches Once Again

Authored by:

Lola the Hamster

 

DENVER, CO — With sixty-degree temperatures welcoming in the month of March across the front range, a local wasp is chomping at the bit to use its stinger once again. 

The wasp, which spent a long winter burrowed underground in service of the queen, says that it has never been so motivated to wreak havoc on Denverians everywhere. 

“I’ve been lubricating my stinger for the last couple weeks in anticipation,” the wasp said in an exclusive interview with Sleeping Sardines. “My goal this year is 25 stings, with at least three of those inducing an allergic reaction.” 

With Denver residents across the city slipping into their tank tops and booty shorts, the wasp noted that the Spring months are typically the most fruitful. 

“Every year people are so excited about the warming weather that they forget about us,” the wasp said, a maniacal grin on its face. “March and April are prime-time for unsuspecting, flabby, pale extremities to sting.”


 WE WON’T STING YOU:       


When pressed as to why the wasp insists on being so evil, it said that it can’t control its nature. 

“Sharks eat fish. Cheetahs hunt gazelle. Humans… well. The whole animal kingdom knows how fucked up that species is. Just be thankful I’m not a murder hornet!”

 

Lola the Hamster runs on her wheel almost two hours per day and provides weekly stories about motherhood, travel, and romance for Sleeping Sardines. Learn more about her here

 

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