Sleeping Sardines

Local Gen Z Struggles to Understand the Concept of Cable Television

Authored by:

Goldwit the Squirrel


DENVER, CO — Local Gen Z-er Caitlyn Hillstone simply could not wrap her head around the concept of cable television Friday, saying that the medium for consuming entertainment made “literally no sense.” 

You’ve heard of Gen Z-ers unable to read analogue clocks and being unfamiliar with compact disks, but it appears that the generation has upped the ante once again. 

“You mean to tell me that there are a bunch of different ‘channels’ with a bunch of different shows playing at the same time?” Hillstone said in an Instagram Chat call with Sleeping Sardines this morning. “And you’re also telling me that it all happens without the internet. Ha! I’m not that gullible.” 

Although an understanding of cable television is completely unnecessary for Hillstone’s life, millennials across the country have been outraged by her ignorance. 

“This younger generation — they’re completely hopeless,” thirty-three year old Justin Hammond said. “The boomers said the same thing about us, and now it’s our turn to be grumpy as shit as times change. I fucking hate Tik Tok!”

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With cable television proving itself as the latest forgotten fatality of the technology age, no one can be sure what’s next. 

Hopefully it’s Facebook. 


Goldwit the squirrel is a self-proclaimed modern man who covers lifestyle and animal interest stories for Sleeping Sardines. Learn more about him here

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